K. Pease (ceruleanst) wrote,

A Slurry Tale

ETA: Okay, all you badass bards, WIKI IS GO.

ACT I SCENE 2. A road, morning. Enter JULES and VINCENT, murderers.

V: And know'st thou what the French name cottage pie?
J: Say they not cottage pie, in their own tongue?
V: But nay, their tongues, for speech and taste alike
   Are strange to ours, with their own history:
   Gaul knoweth not a cottage from a house.
J: What say they then, pray?
V: Hachis Parmentier.
J: Hachis Parmentier! What name they cream?
V: Cream is but cream, only they say la crème.
J: What do they name black pudding?
V: I know not;
   I visited no inn it could be bought.

(Point of fact: Shakespeare's time was actually long before anyone would eat potatoes in either England or France.)[This note was here when I first posted the first passage. I went with it because it was an analogous curiosity of language, and because there seriously were NO differences between English and French cuisine in Shakespeare's time.]

J: Your pardon; did I break thy concentration?
   Continue! Ah, but now thy tongue is still.
   Allow me then to offer a response.
   Describe Marsellus Wallace to me, pray.
B: What?
J: What country dost thou hail from?
B: What?
J: Thou sayest thou dost hail from distant What?
   I know but naught of thy fair country What.
   What language speak they in the land of What?
B: What?
J: English, base knave, dost thou speak it?
B: Aye!
J: Then hearken to my words and answer them!
   Describe to me Marsellus Wallace!
B: What?
JULES presses his knife to BRETT's throat
J: Speak 'What' again! Thou cur, cry 'What' again!
   I dare thee utter 'What' again but once!
   I dare thee twice and spit upon thy name!
   Now, paint for me a portraiture in words,
   If thou hast any in thy head but 'What',
   Of Marsellus Wallace!
B: He is dark.
J: Aye, and what more?
B: His head is shaven bald.
J: Hath he the semblance of a harlot?
B: What?
JULES strikes and BRETT cries out
J: Hath he the semblance of a harlot?
B: Nay!
J: Then why didst thou attempt to bed him thus?
B: I did not!
J: Aye, thou didst! O, aye, thou didst!
   Thou sought to rape him like a chattel whore!
   And sooth, Lord Wallace is displeased to bed
   With aught but Lady Wallace, whom he wed.

[Added the second passage here, now that it's buried in the comments below. Made small edits to both. Beat all you other crazy nitpickers to Hath.]
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